27th of august 2016. The blow was quick and hard, but I didn´t mind that much, I made the wrong move and "ran" into the punch. The fight continued and the final score became 3-3. When I stepped out of the fighting area I realised what had just happened.
"Shit", I thought to myself. I recognised the feeling of a concussion, it wasn´t my first one, far from it. I went over to the doctor and she concluded that I was not allowed to fight anymore that day. I didn´t care that much, my eyes were on my next competition, 14 days later, a competition I never went to. Actually, I never went to any competitions. I had already had my last fight, but I did not know it yet.
Day 1 after the concussion: Still hopeful about competing 13 days later.
Day 246 after the concussion: Sitting here, writing about it for the first time. Unable to train, unable to party or hang out with my friends, unable to study as much as I want to. Some days are better, some are worse. During a good day, I can still go to my club and train the others as a coach. During a really good day, I can manage to coach my competitors at competitions, but I always have to pay an expensive price the day after. My brain does not work as it should. My memory sometimes fail me and I have a hard time keeping track of small things. I have problems with keeping track of things I´ve done during the present day. But I almost never tell people about it, I just excuse myself for forgetting things and sometimes pretending to remember something, even if I don´t.
It feels like I´m trapped. Trapped inside the shell that is my skull. Everything I am, is my brain, and my brain is damaged, for the rest of my life.