Decision making and memory loss

I was slowly concluding that this would not be something that I´d ever expected. The first time I heard the words from the doctor: "I honestly don´t think you can continue practicing Karate", I knew it. It was the end of it all. I had dedicated my whole life to it. Every move, every step I had ever take, was in one direction. Now it would all be take from me in just a few weeks.

I told everyone that I was improving. Maybe I was, a little at least. But I was under the impression that it improved for every day that went by. But so wasn´t the case. It is impossible to determine an improvement. You can feel better for three days and then worse for one, or four days, or for a whole week. The days were blurry. I was awake, but I wasn´t alert. I was there, but still not. 

The first weeks was the scariest. It happened a few days of the week, sometimes worse than others. I could be sitting there, watching a movie, YouTube or reading. The time was about 12 pm, or so I thought. Here is the scary part. It wasn´t 12 pm, it could be 17 pm, or 15 pm. There was a hole in my day, a hole in my memory. I read conversations I have had earlier that day, during the period I couldn´t remember. Normal conversations that I usually had on messenger, I just couldn´t remember any of it. 

Sometimes, when I´m stressed, have had a bad night’s sleep and my brain is aching, it happens again. I get dizzy, have a hard time focusing and I forget normal conversations, even with people I´ve just talked to.

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"I write this, not to prevent people from practicing a sport or martial art, but to teach how to practice it safely" - Victor Bull

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